


What Did You Expect?

by SmallAnxietic



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Brief mention of MC with eating disorder, Other, tw rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-11-06 19:36:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11042898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmallAnxietic/pseuds/SmallAnxietic
Summary: In which Saeyoung tries to convince you that he is dangerous through being physical and everything goes wrong.





	What Did You Expect?

**Author's Note:**

> (Attempted but non successful Rape scene ahead)

He had been cruel. Unfair. Angry. You were so overwhelmingly tired of it all but couldn’t stop calling him and telling him that things would get better and you were fine, that you didn’t _care_ about his rudeness. Lies, lies, _lies_ just kept dripping out of your mouth like hot wax, burning your tongue and leaving a bitter aftertaste.

Yet you refused to give up on him. 

Luciel was unfair and cruel to you, but the world was the same to him, if not worse. His whole life he had been shunned, yelled at and beaten down with work from his agency, so you weren’t surprised he picked up some habits. You were just determined to break them and give him newer, healthier ones. 

You finished cutting up the carrots with a final snap of your knife before you slid them all on the paper plate. You made a simple peanut butter sandwich along with some of his favorite chips on the side, and with the carrots added in you had made your friend(?) a healthy meal. It was nearing dinner time, around eight o’clock now, but you doubt he would eat an actual dinner. So an elementary school lunch seemed better than nothing.

You wouldn’t lie and say that it isn’t scary. Scary to go into the living room with the risk of Luciel yelling at you to stop distracting him. Of course he didn’t really yell, the only time he did was when he broke the robot cat. Though since then he had been more irritable than ever, so you enter the living room with feather like footsteps as you make your way toward him. 

“Luciel?” You place a hand on his shoulder and you feel his muscles tense. “I made you some… dinner,” _if you could even call it that,_ “you don’t have to eat at the table, you can just eat right here while you work. But just… _eat_.”   


“I’m not hungry.” He doesn’t even look at you, doesn’t spare a glance from his computer where binary codes flew by.   


“I have some of your chips with it, though. I’ll give it to you if you eat the rest, okay? It’s just a sandwich and some carrots.”   


“I told you I’m not hungry.” Luciel snaps, giving you a warning look from the corner of his eyes.   


“Look, I get it, I used to be the same way. I barely ate at all and if I did I would throw it up. Please, Luciel, I just don’t want you to-”  


“I don’t CARE,” Luciel suddenly stands, making the plate in your hands knock over onto the floor, the chips snapping and sandwich falling apart, staining the carpet. “How many times do I have to tell you?! You’re driving me insane, MC!” He’s getting in your space now, close, _too close,_ and you’re forced to take a step back. “I don’t need you to _care_ about me! I don’t need your worry or _pity!_ So just shut up and let me work! Can’t you just give me that? Fucking **_peace and quiet?!_** ”   


He keeps sauntering towards you, his golden eyes practically on fire as he shouts at you. You don’t know where the sudden burst of energy came from, but you don’t want any part of it. _You were just trying to help._

“I was just trying to help,” You mutter weakly as your back meets the wall. You panic, and try to turn and walk somewhere else but now Luciel is all around you, arms blocking you from leaving. You bring your hands up to your chest defensively, but don’t move to push him back. You’re locked in your place against the wall, staring up at him and his eyes that just keep staring you down.   


“I don’t. _want_. _it_. I don’t _want_ your help.” His face closes in on yours. “Do I need to force you to shut up? Is that it?”   


“Luciel, please, I didn’t mean to bother you, you just hadn’t eaten all day-” you can’t finish your excuse before his mouth is on yours and his hands are on your hips. The sudden aggressive kiss makes you dizzy and confused, and overwhelmingly _scared._  

You’ve always wanted to kiss him. You’ve wanted to smother him in kisses and love and forgiveness. But not love like this, kisses like this. _You don’t want this_. Everything in your body is screaming and you know that you would _never_ want this. 

You struggle against him, your hands that were brought up before are pushing on his chest until Luciel grabs them and pins them over your head, and you quickly use the rest of your body to try and wiggle out of his grasp somehow. He glues his body on yours hard in response, so hard that you can feel your spine being pushed into the wall. When Luciel’s lips are off yours they journey to your jaw and neck in a sloppy manner so you can feel his wet saliva being wiped all over you. “Luciel, _stop it!_ ” You yell at him, the scared and horrid feeling in your stomach twisting when one of his hands comes down and tugs your shirt up. 

You don’t want him there. You don’t want him _here_. You don’t want his teeth on your neck and his hands on your naked waist. Everything in your head is scrambled and before you know it your eyes tear up. “Luciel, stop it,” you try to push against him with your body again. This time, you feel his hardened member straining against his pants. Your heart stops, and he grinds back against you. Your breath catches in your throat and you are so much more quiet this time. “Luciel. Luciel I’m serious. **Stop**.”

His hand is coming up, close, close, _too close_ to your beating heart and breast. “ _Stop it!_ ” You yell at him, but he dismisses it just like he had done so many times before, grinding into you again and you cry, summoning all your willpower and strength to stomp hard on his foot. He yells, dropping your hands which you use to shove him away from you. 

You fall to the floor, and grasp at the carpet under you. You sob, your shoulders shaking. He hadn’t even gone that far with you, _not at all,_ but still you felt so violated and scared that when you see him take a step towards you, you scramble backwards. 

You meet eyes with him and you can’t find the right emotion in them. You were expecting something along the lines of sorrow or remorse? Instead they were angry. Angry and cold along with the unmistakable emotion of _lust._

You quickly get up from your spot and shove your shirt back down before turning around and going into the kitchen. You hear him follow you, so you run as fast as you can for the door. His stomps get louder, and you sob as you struggle with the handle because of your wet hands from wiping your tears, before jerking the door open then slamming it shut right behind you. You run. You run down the stairs and out the apartment door and down the streets. You run, you run, and you run, and you’re not sure how far it is until you give up and just cry. 

You look around you, your shoulders still shaking and your head still buzzing. You don’t remember anything around you, this part of the city was foreign. But it was still in the city, and cities had cameras, cameras that had you on their sights. Cameras that were basically the hackers third eye and you knew you were still unsafe. No matter where you ran, you knew he could find you. So where the fuck do you go?

_Where the fuck do you go from here?_

**—**

You don’t know how long it took, but it was enough to have your legs aching in protest from the long walk. You didn’t have your keys, surely you wouldn’t with the rush you left in. You let out a shiver from thinking about before as you take out a bobby pin you have in your pocket. 

You find yourself smug and a little annoyed as you pick at the lock to your house. All those RFA members… saying your so god damn _innocent_ and _pure_. You push open the door to your house, slipping the bobby pin back where it always was for emergencies like these. 

If you really were, you sure as hell weren’t pure anymore. 

You slam your door shut and lock it for good measure before kicking off your shoes. You lean against the door frame, taking a deep breath and inhaling the smell of your home. It really hadn’t been that long since you had been in your own house… but you missed it terribly. It was still in the mess you left it in, of course, but you liked it. _Finally_ you could walk around comfortably and throw things around without thinking about a dead girl. _Finally_ , you were _home_. 

When you make it to your bed, you shut off your phone completely and throw it somewhere, you aren’t sure where but it ended up on the floor with everything else. You curl into a ball, too lazy to go under your covers, and hold yourself tight. Everything, you realize, hurts. Your back, from being pushed into the hard drywall. Your hips ache, and you think it’s from how harshly Luciel had held you down, and it’s the same situation for your wrists. Your eyes sting from all the crying, your head throbbing as well. But what hurts the most is your heart, you think. Your heart that is swelling and crying, beating loudly in your chest and pounding into your ears. It hurts, it hurts _so much_. 

But you can’t even bring yourself to hate him, and how _**fucked up** _ is that?

**—**

When you wake up, it’s because of the harsh pounding on your front door. 

You keep quiet, hoping whoever the hell it is will leave you alone as you try to sink further in your bed. You feel disgusting. Your body is aching and slow, and so so heavy. You don’t think you could answer the door if you wanted to. You were sure you looked as disgusting as you felt, anyways. 

The pounding, _it was way too loud to be called knocking_ , stops after a few minutes. A few minutes being around six or eight, which seems like an absurdly long time to knock on a door, but it stops. You can finally relax again, and you try to relax your tense muscles to drift back into a comfortable sleep before you hear a harsh slam from your bedroom door. Your head snaps up and you see _him_. 

Luciel, out of breath, hair a mess (but when wasn’t it) and clothes wrinkled. He looked tired as hell, just like you, but his eyes were wide and alive. You quickly sit up and move to the head of your bed, which is the farthest you can get. _Of course_ he found you. You don’t doubt he followed you all the way here with his damn cameras. _Those god damn cameras._

As angry as you want to be, the fear is sparking alive in your chest, spreading up your throat, around your fingernails and in between your toes. Thoughts rush through your head and your heart is more alive than ever but your still frozen in your spot, staring at him as if he had actually… actually done what he had meant to do. Finished the job. 

“MC,” your name leaves his lips in such a relieved whisper that you don’t know what to do with before he’s walking towards you. Your eyes watch his every movement as he nears your bed. When he’s at the foot of it, you swallow the ghost in your throat and lick your dry lips.   


“Get the **fuck** away from me, Luciel.” You can’t even meet with his eyes but your words are harsh and they sting. You can see him tense out of the corner of your eye, and you see him move to take another step. “I fucking _mean it_ Luciel!” You shout at him, feeling the familiar burning creeping up your nose and eyes. “Or does the word ‘stop’ still mean fucking nothing to you?!”   


That’s what gets him to stop and you think it’s hilarious. Hilarious that now, **now** he would listen. Why now? Why not _before_? 

“MC, I-” his lips are just as dry as yours and he makes them moist again with his tongue, and you shiver. “I don’t- I, I can’t-” the hacker is tripping over his own words and he takes a step back, finally letting you breathe. His hands run through his hair and tugs harshly as he looks down at the ground. “I don’t know what’s _wrong_ with me, MC.”   


When you look back up at him, he’s crying just like you are. You can see how he’s barely holding himself together, his shoulders shaking and not daring to look at you this time. “I don’t- I don’t- I _can’t_ think of… of any re-eal, real _reason_ for why… why I would do that to you.” He’s stuttering, his voice breaking halfway through. “I don’t know why… why the fuck I would _do that_ to you!” Luciel covers up his face with his arms as he tugs even harder on his hair so he can feel the burn on his scalp. So he can physically feel his head falling apart like it feels like so much on the inside. “I’m so sorry,” he cries. “Don’t ever forgive me, MC. I’m so, so fu- fucking, so fucking **sorry,** I’m so sorry, please do _n- don’_ t- don’t ever forgive me for.. for doing so _m-m-e_ thing so horrible to you.” 

You sit up a little straighter and lean forward as Luciel falls to the floor and sobs to himself, and you see him rocking back and forth slightly. His legs are tucked in, covering his face as he repeatedly tugs more and more at his red curls. You feel your heart break and cry out for him, seeing him so torn apart like that, practically at your feet. All you want to do is hold him, comfort him, but your head is screaming at you to run away while you have this chance. Take advantage of his vulnerability and leave. Leave the city, leave the state. 

But you can’t, and you know you can’t. You would never be able to leave him behind, not like this, and you _hate_ yourself for it. 

You crawl onto the floor as silently as you can, getting level with him. You’re slow, hesitant as you move forward, the fear that he will only take advantage of your kindness once again creeping up your bruised back. That he will only throw you to the ground and try to do what he tried before, that anxiety rushing through your veins as you raise your hand and place it on his jerking fist. 

“Luciel,” Your voice comes out soft and slow, “stop hurting yourself.”   


You put both hands on his, lightly tugging at them to make him let go of his hair. He does as you tell him and you hold his hands, even if you both are shaking. Luciel raises his head up, showing you his puffy eyes glistening with tears that keep flowing under his glasses that are askew and down his red cheeks and runny nose. He is so, _so_ broken, and all you’ve ever wanted to do it fix him. So… why?

“ _ **Why did you do that to me**_?”  


He shakes his head, his throat bobbing up and down as he swallows. “I wanted… I _w-an_ ted.. you to be sc _a-ar_ ed. Scared of me. Realize.. ‘m not a good person.” Luciel croaks, and you hold his hands tighter. 

“ _Look at you,_ ” you try to hold back your own tears, your eyebrows scrunching up in your effort. “You’re… you’re sobbing at my bedside… Telling me how fucking sorry you are. You.. you’re _breaking apart_ right in front of me,” your shoulders bounce as you let out a sob. “What kind of bad person would do that after committing their sin?” 

You raise the both of your hands, reluctant to let him go to wipe away your tears with the back of your hand. “I- I don’t… I’ve _never_ believed you’re a bad person, because I know you aren’t, Luciel. You are so, so many _good_ things but you don’t… you don’t accept those good things about yourself. So you… you lash out, trying to be something you are not. I… I was the unlucky one, being there, while you tried hard to be someone so… terrible.” 

“I’m sorry,” he tells you again, and he’s gripping back at your hands, looking you in the eye. It’s hard to look back with his messed up glasses, but you manage.   


“I know you are.”

There’s only good things to come out of this, you hope. You can only move forward and up, right? You can do it together, and you believe that truly. The two of you… you can fix this. You want to fix this, and you can see that Luciel does too. So you raise yourself up and off the ground, pulling him with you. A part of you hates the feeling of him pressed against you when the two of you hug, and you aren’t sure when that feeling will go away. But you know that eventually, this will all melt away. 

Together, you will make the best out of this, and hope to whatever God Luciel believes in that he will never hurt you so harshly again.

**End.**

**Author's Note:**

> GOD DANG I HATE PEOPLE ROMANTCIZING RAPE WITH SAEYOUNG !!!!!!!! So I added my own fic but with some realism. Of course in these fics Saeyoung will always always be horridly OOC because he'd never actually do this, but we write it for kinks I guess? Saeyoung is forgiven at the end of this fic because my boy doesn't deserve more pain and y'all would hate me too, but still I hope the message found its way across even if he was forgiven in the end.


End file.
